


Beautiful Soul

by Sarabellum93



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-02
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-10-20 18:10:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 22,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17627132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sarabellum93/pseuds/Sarabellum93
Summary: Even though Roxas is the lead singer in his rather popular amateur band, he's too shy to tell Axel about the crush he's had on the redhead since high school began. With Valentines day around the corner, his twin Sora encourages him to tell Axel about his true feelings, as his secret admirer. From the safety of anonymous notes, Roxas tells Axel just how Beautiful his Soul is, but it doesn't take long for Axel to begin hunting for this secret admirers identity. Can Roxas keep the truth hidden, or does listening to Sora's advice lead to deep regret?Inspired and includes songs by Jesse McCartney.





	1. Secret Admirer

“Can you believe that Valentine’s day is only two weeks away?” The girl who sits in front of me, Kairi, squealed as she asked Namine.

“I know right? Who are you hoping asks you to be his Valentine?” Namine asked back.

Those two do nothing but chatter in class, and I can’t say I blame them; it is rather boring.

“Roxas, you ready for practice after school?” My best friend, Hayner, asked me when I started day dreaming out the window.

“Huh?” I hardly felt awake.

“Earth to Roxas!” Pence, who sat behind me, rattled my desk.

Hayner, who sat next to me, slipped me a note that I read as our teacher began lecturing.

-Band practice after school, 3 o clock. In the gym.  Don’t be late!

“Shit!” I muttered, and Hayner rolled his eyes as I scribbled on the paper.

-I told Namine I’d work on that project at 3 today.

I passed the note back to Hayner while our teacher, Yen Sid, wasn’t looking. Hayner wrote back and handed me the paper.

-Reschedule. We have to be ready for our Valentine day show.

I sighed. He was right. We have a band that is pretty big and we have a show on the most romantic day of the year, since most of our songs are love songs that I write.

-Alright. I’ll be there.

Hayner nodded as the rest of the class dragged on. Something seemed so dark and dreary today, like something was missing. I glanced around the room to see my twin, Sora, waiving at me from across the rows like the hyper goofball he is. Then I saw Riku eyeing my twin; if only Riku knew how much Sora loves to talk about him when no one else is around.

Then there’s Demyx, the best swimmer at our school. I hear he’s a musician too, but he’s not in my band. His boyfriend is Zexion, the smart genius who always knows the answers to everything, but is too shy to speak up. Marluxia is another guy in our class, but we all call him Marly. He’s got pink hair and we’re all pretty sure he’s in touch with his feminine side when it comes to his weird obsession with flowers.

Another strange student in here is Luxord. We’re all seniors in high school, but this guy is already a gambling addict. He’s not just addicted to casino games, but he’ll bet on literally anything. He always carries a deck of cards and a pair of die that he uses to make nearly any decision. For example, if he doesn’t know what he wants to eat in the cafeteria for lunch, he’ll roll a dice and let that decide for him. He’ll choose any random day to bet with someone on the odds that Mr. Yen Sid will assign a pop quiz. He turns everything into a game with anyone stupid enough to agree to his bets. Sometimes Demyx will play along, but only because his boyfriend Zexion is smart enough to calculate the probabilities in his head. In the entire class, there are only four girls; unless you count Marly, like most of us do.

Olette is the bass player in my band and we get along really well. Larxene is another girl in here but I don’t talk to her much. She can be kind of bitchy and sometimes it’s best to just ignore her, or so I’ve seen. Then there’s Kairi and she’s Sora’s best friend, so I don’t mind her. She’s always there for Sora and I’m glad that he has a friend like her.

 Namine is the last girl in the class and we used to be close in middle school, but not anymore.  It’s my fault really, since I used to like her when we were little, but then I came to high school and the second I saw him, all feelings for Namine vanished.

His name is Axel and he’s…..he’s not here in class! Well no wonder today feels grey and dull! He’s got gorgeous red hair that he usually ties up into a ponytail and sometimes he wears these square black rimmed glasses that bring out his emerald eyes. God he’s gorgeous and sweet with this breath taking smile that makes me go speechless. I’m way too shy and nervous to talk to him, cause he’s made it clear that he’s not gay and he can pretty much date whoever he wants. That, and I’m pretty sure that Namine still likes me. We used to have a thing, but we never officially dated and I can tell that if she had it her way, we would be together. I always catch her staring at me and smiling and I smile back to be nice, but I stopped liking her four years ago. I know things will never work out with Axel, but I can’t help but dream. I continued said dream out the window when I felt a tall presence hovering over me.

“Ah!” I screamed in shock when I realized that Mr. Yen Sid was standing over me.

“Are you alright?” Mr. Yen Sid crossed his arms as I nodded. “Then pay attention.” He huffed before he went back to the front of the room.

Hayner began playing air guitar in his desk while Pence played his pencils as drum sticks on his desk as we all waited for the bell to ring.

“Hey Roxas, are we still on for today?” Namine asked me when the bell rang and we all got up from our desks to enjoy the rest of our day in freedom. I felt bad; I knew she wanted to work with me, but I couldn’t skip band practice with our big show coming up.

“I have mandatory band practice till six. Think we can do it after?”

“Sure. Meet at my place when you’re done.” She smiled. I felt bad, but I knew that she’d be ok with it. She never got mad at anything I did or said, and I never tried to anger her, but I can tell that she doesn’t get angry because she wants to be on my good side, as if it’ll help me fall back in love with her.

“Thanks.” I hurried off to band practice for three hours where all we really did was fight over what songs we wanted to play during our Valentine day concert. Hayner, our guitarist, loves fast songs while Olette obviously prefers the cute sweet songs and Pence doesn’t care as long as we settle on something. We’re pretty good and actually have a fan base, and girls are usually after Hayner and me. Hayner’s straight and loves the attention, so I usually get dragged along on these double dates for him, but since I’m gay, I get bored. I haven’t come out to anyone except Sora, but only because he came out to me first. He won’t tell me or anyone who he likes, but hell, I’m his twin, so I already know it’s Riku.

The songs I write sound like they’re for girls, but all along, I write them as I’m thinking about Axel. He’s never been to one of our shows, but if he did, I’d probably get stage fright for the very first time and forget the words or something.

Sometimes I day dream about me singing these songs to him, songs I wrote for him, but I’d never invite him to one of our concerts. It’s like I want him to know I care, but I don’t want him to find out. I don’t even know if that makes sense, but it’s how I feel.

As soon as we finished our band practice, I ran home to drop off my backpack and pick up my sketchbook, then I walked the five blocks to Namine’s house.

“How was practice?” Namine asked as we went up the stairs and into her bedroom. She used to tell me all the time about how she loved to hear me sing and she still comes to most of our concerts.

“You know Hayner and Olette; it took us three hours to pick sings songs while Pence tried to get them to stop arguing.”

Namine laughed. “You’ve always had good friends.”

“Yeah; anyway, we have to finish our drawing for art class. So, shall we get started?” I tried to stay focused away from our social lives and back to school.

“Good idea.” Namine pulled out her sketch pencils and within the next hour we added the finishing touches on our drawing of a white mansion and a ghost girl in one of the windows. Namine is one talented artist, and she used to draw me all the time. I always feel so guilty, because I feel like I should date her. We’re the couple that looks like we’re mean to be….but I’m not straight anymore. I can’t think of her the way I used to; the way I think of Axel. 

Once we finished, I made my quick, painless escape back to my house and was back in my room before I knew it.

“How was band?” Sora asked. We shared a room and our parents are never really home.

“It went pretty good. How was your anime club?”

“It was great! I overheard like four different girls that are going to see you play and want to ask you to be their Valentine.” Sora bubbled up with a smile.

I sighed. “If I ever came out, I’d lose all my fans.”

Sora shrugged. “I don’t know. A lot of the girls in my anime club love yaoi. They think it’s hot.”

“What?” I asked in confusion.

“Pretty much all the girls in my anime club think that hot guys should date together. So if you get a boyfriend you might get more fans.” Sora winked.

“Did you just call me hot?” I couldn’t help but smirk as Sora rolled his eyes.

“Duh, means I’m hot too.” Sora stuck his tongue out as I chuckled.

“It’s not like some guy is going to want to go along with it.” I shook my head in my hopelessness.

“Well if you tell Axel that you like him, you’ll be one step closer.”

“How do you know about Axel?” I sprang up on my bed.

Sora giggled, “Please Roxas, I’m your twin! What don’t I know about you?”

I smiled. “Like how I used my twin powers to know that you like Riku!”

Sora gasped. “Shh! Roxas!”

 “I think he likes you too. He’s always staring at you.” I adjusted my pillow before I laid back on it.

“Does he really?” Sora blushed.

“Yeah. But at least he’s not straight like Axel.” I couldn’t help but say.

“You never know Rox; it can’t hurt. It’s not like you’re going to lose his friendship cause you never talk to him anyway.” Only Sora could say something so depressing and make it sound cheerful. 

“Gee thanks.” I added sarcastically.

“You know what you should do?”

“What?” I asked, not sure if I really wanted to know.

“You should leave little secret admirer notes!”

“What?” I asked in disbelief at the idea.

“Yeah, like, leaving notes in his desk or in his locker about how cute he is and how you feel, but sign it as his secret admirer.”

“That’s so junior high Sora.”

“Yeah, but it works.” Sora changed into his pajamas.

“And how would you know?”

“Cause it’s common sense Rox! You get to express how you really feel about him without the fear of having to confront him.”

“Uh-huh, and is that what you’re saying based off of your little animes?” I asked with a roll of my eyes.

“Hey! Don’t underestimate their accuracy. They teach you so much about life.” Sora nodded, real serious.

“So why haven’t you used them to get Riku?” I asked, smirking. He blushed, and I nearly thought that I stumped him.

“All in perfect timing. Besides, now that I know that Riku stares at me, I think I’ll let him make the first move.” Sora beamed his perfect smile and I huffed.

“Lucky. Axel doesn’t even know I exist.”

“Start slow with the notes. Then, if you ever work up the courage, you can tell him that it’s you.”

“But I won’t ever work up the courage.” I started changing as well.

“You won’t know unless you try. And still, even if you don’t tell him, you can still see him smile from the things that you write. And you can feel confident in that you were the reason why.”

I stopped to think. That sounded amazing, to see Axel smile and to know that I was the reason why, even if he didn’t know; that sounded like an offer I couldn’t refuse.

“See, I can tell by the look on your face that you like the idea!” Sora bragged.

“Well it is an option.”

“I think you should try it. You have nothing to lose Rox.”

“Maybe I will.” I shrugged.

“I am good.” Sora laughed and I couldn’t help but laugh as well.

“Thanks Sora.”

“Of course Roxy. Night.” Sora turned off our light and crawled into bed.

I spent half the night tossing and turning, running through the ‘what if’s’ if I actually told Axel how I felt about him. In the end, I realized that Sora was right, as usual. Axel doesn’t even know I exist, so it’s not like I’d lose much. But still, it’s so terrifying just to think about.

That next day I wrote “Hey Axel, you’re looking great today, as always. Love, your secret admirer” on a piece of paper and left it in the little slip in his desk before school. Then I went to my locker and waited just before the bell rang to show up to make it seem like I just got to school.

We all took our seats and when Mr. Yen Sid told us to take out our books, I watched as Axel pulled his book out and found the slip over it. He looked at it funny before he broke into a sweet smile. He looked up and started looking around, so I buried my nose in my book before we could make eye contact.

I waited a few minutes before I returned my gaze back to him, and when I did, I noticed how he was still smiling as he played with that piece of paper.

That whole day, he kept staring at that small strip of paper, smiling like an idiot, which made me smile like a total dumbass. It was hard not to make eye contact, and to act like I didn’t even notice he was there, but I guess that’s the point of a secret admirer.

The next day, I did the same thing. I snuck in class early and hid a piece of paper in his desk that read, “Hey there sexy, I miss you.” Yeah, so I write stupid and cheesy things, but he’ll never know it’s me, so what’s the harm?

He had the exact same reaction: Shock, surprise, curiosity, and then bliss. I had to work extra hard not to look at him, and to look busy daydreaming out that same old window. Two day’s down, the rest of the school year to go!

~

For the next few days I left notes, sometimes three to four daily, in his locker, in his desk between classes, whenever I could without getting caught, and trying to get close enough to see his reaction without being too close where he’d figure out it was me. They said things like, “Hey cutie how was your night? I spent mine dreaming of you.” Or, “I missed you yesterday when you didn’t show up. Please don’t leave me again.” And even, “Damn you are so sexy, I wish I could hug you all day long.” Ok so I know it sounds stupid and lame, but he always smiled when he read them and he would smile the entire day cause he’d stick my notes in his binder. Basically, I just wrote down things that I’d never work up the courage to say to him in person, but I would love to see his reaction to.

So far, it was the best idea that Sora has ever had.

 

 


	2. FireLover8

I woke up late, thanks to Sora who snored over our alarm, but we made it to class just in time as the bell rang. The seat that I usually sit in was taken, so I took the only other open seat that Sora didn’t take. Of course, it was right in front of Axel. I slipped shyly into my seat as I mentally cursed at how I had to sit in front of him when I’d rather sit behind him. That way I could stare at his luscious hair, his pale creamy neck, his broad yet gentle shoulders. Ok I know I sound like a creep, but it’s not often where I get to be this close to him.

I wished that I had an excuse to need to talk to him. I wished that I had a reason to look at him. I turned around to the side to look at Hayner, who sat next to Axel, and after Hayner nodded at me, I shifted my eyes to Axel’s. We made eye contact and I swallowed. Axel gave me a cheesy smile, you know, the kind you give when you want someone to stop staring at you like a freak?  I couldn’t help but smile back, then I whipped back around to hide how red my cheeks were becoming.

Holy fucking shit! We made eye contact! He smiled at me! I tried to control my racing heart as I pretended to take notes so I’d look like I had something to do.

After about ten minutes of Mr. Yen Sid’s lecture, my desk started to lightly shake. I looked underneath my desk to see Axel’s shoes on the basket under my desk that he was twitching. He kept bouncing his leg, so I turned to look at him and he stared coldly at me as if to say, ‘so what?’.

I gulped as I stared into his harsh eyes. He wasn’t wearing his reading glasses and his hair was down and spiked out behind him. He has these red marks under his eyes, like tattoo’s I think, and I couldn’t help but wonder how he got them.

He continued to glare at me as my body vibrated, thanks to his feet bouncing up and down on my desk, as I started to get shy. I wanted him to quit it, but I didn’t want him to hate me. At the same time, I wanted to talk to him. Yes, my first words to him. I had to say something, but what?

“Can you stop?” I asked quietly. Ok, it was a start, a simple request. I didn’t think there’d be any harm but he rolled his eyes and I could hear him plant his feet stubbornly on the tile floor. Great, my first words with the guy and I piss him off. Way to go Roxas, only you could do something so stupid. I cleared my head of my own criticism before I faked a smile.

“Thank you.” I whispered before I turned around. The next fifteen minutes were peaceful until I felt this strange tickling at the back of my neck. It started slow and sparse, but it picked up and every time I scratched, I felt nothing. Then I felt it again, as if something was barely grazing my skin, so I looked behind myself for a quick moment to catch Axel twirling a pencil in between his fingers.

I gulped as he gave me a scary, cocky smile, making me question what the hell was going on. Was he, was he causing the tickling sensation? Why? Was it payback for the whole foot-desk thing? Great, I turned my crush into a bully! I was just starting to calm down as I felt his pencil slip down the back of my shirt. I flinched and put one hand behind my back to catch it from falling further. I was fumbling with the back of my shirt when Mr. Yen Sid turned around from his white board.

“Roxas? What’s the matter with you?” He asked as I sat awkwardly, trying to catch the pencil.

“Nothing.” I lied with my hand behind my back, trying to hold up the pencil.

“What’s in your other hand?” Yen Sid asked sternly and I removed my hand to show him that it was empty. I could feel the pencil slowly trickling down my back and it stopped right at the top of my pants. There’s a triangular shaped hole at the back of our chairs and the pencil got stuck in between the top of that hole and my pants. When Mr. Yen Sid returned back to his teaching, I reached behind me to collect the pencil, but I felt it slip and I thought it fell down to the ground, even though I never heard the sound of it hitting the tile. I looked around my feet and when I straightened up, I turned to look at Axel as he smiled at me, twirling his pencil. I turned red; he must have caught it before it fell or maybe he pulled it out. Either way, I gulped and returned back to my note taking.

To my surprise, Axel left me alone for the rest of the class.

“Can you actually believe that Valentine’s day is coming up?” Olette joined Kairi and Namine in their usual ‘end of the class girly conversation’.

“Roxas, band practice again at three in the auditorium.” Hayner reminded me as he got out of his desk and went to remind Olette.

“Alright, I’ll be right there.” I said as I stood up. I put the strap to my bag over my shoulder and as Axel brushed past me, our arms touched.

“Sorry.” He called out as he exited the classroom while I stood there like a mute dumbass. He touched me, and he apologized. It was already the best day of the week.

Just as my watch read three, I made it inside the auditorium to join the rest of my band.

“Just in time.” Hayner called to me from the stage.

“I said I’d be here.” I climbed up and helped set up the microphone stands.

“Well now that you are here, let’s get started.” Hayner took charge, as usual.

“Which song are we starting with?” Olette put her bass strap around her shoulder.

“I thought we agreed to start with Beautiful Soul?” Pence reminded them and I could tell that having this conversation all over again wasn’t on his to do list.

“Roxas, what do you think?” Hayner asked and I shrugged.

“I think Beautiful Soul is a great song to start with.”

“Alright then. Pence, count us down.” Hayner had his guitar ready, Pence was sitting at his drum set, Olette gave me a thumbs up, and I sat on my stool in the middle of the stage. The music started and I tapped my foot to the slow and steady rhythm that Hayner produced when I started to sing the beginning to one of my favorite songs that I wrote.

“I don’t want another pretty face, I don’t want just anyone to hold, I don’t want my love to go to waste, I want you and your beautiful soul. You’re the one I want to chase, you’re the one I want to hold, I won’t let another minute go to waste, I want you and your beautiful soul.” The song was going great, since it is one of our more popular, and the time came for the big note, which I hit perfectly thanks to all the many times we perform this song. Most of the girls love this song and personally I do too. The music died down and I ended my singing when I heard clapping. I looked up from my mic stand to see red, and my heart stopped when I realized that Axel was giving us a one man standing ovation.

“Thank you!” Olette yelled and Axel waved before he left. I stood frozen until Hayner pulled me back into reality.

“Roxas, come on, which ones next?”

“Huh? Oh yeah, um, She’s No You?”

“Works for me.” Pence started us off. We finished practice early and when I went to my locker, I saw Axel there.

“Hey. Your band is pretty good.”

“Thanks.” I opened my locker, just a few away from his. I glanced over and looked inside his open locker to see a stack of all the secret admirer cards and slips that I’ve been giving him for over a week now.

“I’ve never had such a dedicated secret admirer before.” Axel smirked when he caught me staring and I faked a chuckle. “Is it just me, or does this look like a guys handwriting?” Axel showed me one of the cards I gave him and I gulped.

“Too hard to tell.” I shrugged, trying to keep my cool.

“Guess so. I wonder who it is. Have you heard anything?” I shook my head. “Damn, I’m getting really curious.” Axel stared at the card and I offered a smile.

“Sounds exciting.”

“Yeah well if I knew who it was it could get more exciting.” Axel winked and I swallowed hard.

“What if you never find out?”

“Then this ‘secret admirer’ is a bitch for teasing me.” Axel slammed his locker shut and I grew intimidated by his body language in the way he leaned against the wall of lockers.

“What if the person is scared to tell you?” Axel looked at me funny so I cleared my throat so as not to look suspicious. “I mean, they must be scared if they decided to leave the notes anonymous, right?”

Axel thought. “Yeah I guess you’re right. You must be popular with the ladies, aren’t you?”

“Why do you say that?” I asked clueless. I wanted to pause life and appreciate our first real conversation, but I also wanted to get past this interrogation unscathed.

Axel shrugged. “Well you’re good looking, you sing in a band, you have a great voice, and you seem to know a lot about relationships.”

Wait…did he say that I’m good looking? Trying to have my first real conversation with him was already hard enough, but adding a compliment of that scale to the mix just made me want to hide under a rock so I could blush to my hearts content.

“Oh, well thanks.” I couldn’t think of anything other than the fact that he just complimented my looks. Coming from him, that’s like unbelievable.

“You got a girl?”

I shook my head.

“What about that blonde? Namine?”

“Oh, we used to have a thing, but we never dated. We’re just friends.” I never realized that Axel knew that much about me.

Axel raised an eyebrow. “I think she likes you. Why don’t you date her? She’s pretty.”

I grew red. It’s not like I could tell him the truth right here right now. Can I even tell him I’m gay? I haven’t even told Hayner, and he’s my best friend! Think Roxas, think. What reason can I give him? Just don’t tell him you’re gay. Don’t come out to your crush who has no reason to believe his secret admirer is a guy.

“I uh, I’m.” I froze. Cant he just leave now? Can someone please pull the fire alarm and interrupt this?

“You’re?”

“I’m…” I can’t be in my right mind to even consider telling him that I’m gay. What if I do and he connects me to the love letters? Focus. Anything but the truth would suffice. Axel crossed his arms, waiting for me to finish.

“I’m gay.” I blurted quietly. Well, fuck, that didn’t go as planned.

“Oh.” He unfolded his arms.

“No one knows so,” I began to get extremely shy and hot and I could feel my tongue swelling and all I could hear was my heart beating loudly.

“I won’t tell anyone.” Axel smiled and I broke into a cheesy smile.

“Thanks.” I could feel my cheeks burning up. Axel chuckled.

“I wonder what your precious fans would think if they knew they’d never have a shot with you.” He was being so friendly that I hated how much I couldn’t allow myself to enjoy this moment.

I blushed deeper, “Yeah, that’s why I can’t tell anyone.”

Axel stood tall over me. “Then why did you tell me?”

My eyes widened, my heart started pounding, and I swallowed hard. “I didn’t know how else to explain why I don’t have a girlfriend.”

Axel smiled as I stood paralyzed in fear. “You don’t have to tell me anything you’re uncomfortable sharing.”

I smiled back. “Thanks.”

“Sure. Well I got to go. Nice talking to you Roxas.” Axel planted his hand on my head and teased my hair before he walked off and I watched the way his skinny jeans hugged his hips.

I spent the entire walk home replaying what happened and I still couldn’t get over what I thought to be a coincidence. Could it be? What are the odds that on the same day I sat in front of him, he came to watch my band practice, and then we have our very first conversation? And he even knew my name! I mean, I obviously knew his, but I didn’t expect him to remember mine. He probably only knows it because Hayner shouted it at me when he told me about band practice, which is also how I’m guessing Axel knew about when and where it’d be. Still, just yesterday I was a complete stranger writing these secret love notes. Now, now we made eye contact, he heard me sing, we had our first conversation. And…..he called me attractive. Damn, I still can’t get over that. It just doesn’t seem possible.

“Hey, you’re home early.” I said as I walked into my room to see Sora sitting on his bed with his laptop open.

“Yea, the anime club was canceled.”

“Is everything ok?” Something seemed off about him. He didn’t seem sad, but…just …off.

“Yeah.” Sora blushed and I knew he was hiding something.

“What are you doing?” I asked sitting next to him.

“Nothing!” Sora covered his laptop screen with his hands.

“Really Sora? Porn? Again?” I joked sarcastically and Sora looked at me as if I had said the worst of all profanities. Sora is still way too innocent to have ever seen any porn, which is what made my joke twice as funny.

“I’m IMing with Riku!” Sora put his hands on his hips as he sat up on his bed.

“Oh? About?”

“About?” Sora asked, as if to admit that he was in denial.

“What about?” I repeated.

“About my plans for Valentine’s day.” Sora blushed.

“Ooooh! Sora has a date!” I started singing and Sora pouted.

“Not yet.”

“You ok?” I asked, not realizing how sad he was.

“Yea, but I just wish Riku would be more straightforward. It’s like he’s trying to get me to spell it out that I like him.”

“Then do it.”

“It’s not easy! I’m nervous.”

“Sora, I can tell that he likes you. Trust me, he’ll be happy if you do.”

“What about Axel? How’s that going?”

I shrugged. “He wants to know who his secret admirer is, but I’m not saying anything.”

“I still think you should give him some hints.”

“Nah, it’s more fun to leave him guessing.”

That next morning I left a note in his desk before class, as always, only to see that there was a note signed TO his secret admirer, FROM Axel! I quickly slipped it into my pocket, placed my note inside, and ran into a bathroom stall to read it.

“Dear My Secret Admirer, I’m so curious to get to know you, that I decided that I would leave notes as well for you before you leave notes for me. I want to talk to you, face to face. I know that this could sound intimidating, but really, you have nothing to worry about. I promise that if you tell me who you are, I’ll treat you to dinner and a movie. No questions asked. But I can’t if I don’t know who you are. ~Axel”

I gulped and quickly wrote a new note to add to my original, which said something about how sweet he is and how cute he is and basic love stuff like that.

“Dear Axel, your offer is very tempting, but I just can’t share that much information with you. I wish I could, but I just cant. I’m sorry. I really like you Axel, if only you knew how badly I want to be with you, what  I’d do to spend time with you. Hell, I’d even love to just hear you say my name, but I’d rather love you from afar than get rejected to my face. Please understand this. ~Your secret admirer”

I slipped that into his desk and waited before I went back to class just as the late bell rang.

Class went by pretty slow but when Axel read his note, I could tell that he was frustrated by it. He scribbled back, shoved the note back inside his desk, and sighed as the bell rang and everyone got up to leave. He left with Demyx and when no one was looking, I took the note, shoved it in my pocket, and went into the bathroom to read it.

“Dear Secret Admirer, why don’t we start by just IMing? I have an instant messaging account under the name of FireLover8. Search for me tonight. I’ll be on from 8 to 11 pm. I’ll be waiting for you. I want to learn as much about you as I can. ~Axel”

I gave it a little thought and decided that I could do that, but I still had plenty of time until then. After band practice, I went to my locker to see Axel at his.

“Hey Roxas.”

“Oh, hey Axel. What are you doing here hours after school got out?”

“My best friend has swim practice and I’m his ride home, so I stay after to do homework in the library.”

“Demyx?” I guessed and Axel nodded.

“Can I ask you a question?” Axel closed his locker and looked really serious, and even though I knew I had no need to be, I felt so nervous.

“Sure.” I answered shakily.

“Remember that secret admirer I have? Well, I’m nervous cause I want to know who she is, but she won’t say anything. I don’t know what to do.” Axel scratched his head and I sighed.

“Well, I mean, you can’t just force someone to divulge that kind of information. For whatever reason, your secret admirer is so scared of losing you, and it could be an insecurity or that they have a secret worth keeping from you.”

“I just wish I could tell her that I’m not that kind of guy. Even if I don’t like her back, I still want to get to know her. If she’s this sweet and thoughtful, she must be worth getting to know.” Axel looked away like he was thinking.

“Do you think you’d date her?”

“I don’t know who the fuck she is!” Axel tore at his hair and sighed. “She sounds so sweet, and she can talk dirty, which is sexy, but I can tell that she is innocent by the way she words things in her notes. God I just want to know what she looks like.” Axel smiled and I did too.

“She sounds amazing.”

“I want to say she is, but I can’t be sure until I know who she is.”

“I’m sorry Axel. It sounds rough from both ends.”

“Yeah, it is.” Axel looked sad and I wanted to cheer him up.

“Hey, if she’s really as amazing as she sounds, it’ll be worth the wait. Maybe she just wants to know that she can trust you.” I shrugged and Axel shook his head with a smile.

“How do you know so much? Seriously Roxas, I’m beginning to think that this band deal is a cover up for being a playboy.” Axel winked and I panicked.

“No! I don’t even have a girlfriend, I’m gay remember?” I said desperately and Axel laughed.

“I’m just kidding.” He smiled. “You were so scared just now. Haha, it was kind of cute.”

I turned a bright red. “Don’t do that to me.” I mumbled and Axel messed my hair up with his hand.

“Dammit Dem!” Axel sighed loudly when he checked his phone.

“You okay?” I didn’t want to pry, but my curiosity got to me.

“I stayed late for him and turns out he’s already on his way home with Xigbar.”

“Shit, how’d that mix up happen?” I wondered.

“He’s a great guy, but sometimes a bit of an airhead.” Axel laughed innocently.

“Sounds about right.” I nodded from what I knew about Demyx from class.

“Hey, do you want to go grab some food? My treat. I have more questions  about this mystery girl.” Axel put his hands in his lose jean pockets and I nodded. How lucky was I? Here I am going on a ‘date’ with my crush and I’m his ‘secret admirer’ distracting him from my true identity. Man, this is going to be easy!

We started walking to his car in silence when I realized that if I accidentally shared one piece of vital information, I could give myself away.

I then became nervous, wondering what I should stay away from saying and what I should say to lead his guess away from me. But then again, he thinks it’s a girl, so I’m safe, right? No, I can’t get too comfortable and think that I have freedom. I still need to be cautious. Dammit! What if he knows it’s me and this is a trap? Fuck my nerves and my overly curious mind. This is not going to be easy at all.


	3. Not So Secret "Secret Admirer"

We drove without a word to a nearby fast-food place and ordered some hamburgers, talking while we waited.

“So, do you think she’s just shy?” Axel asked.

“Honestly, I think that’s half of it. It’s obvious that she’s shy, and that she really cares about you, but I think there’s something more.”

“Like what?” Axel slurped on his milkshake in curiosity.

“I can’t say for sure unless we know who it is. Sorry.” I tried to look sad and Axel bought it.

“I told her that I’d go on a date with her, but she still doesn’t believe that I’m serious.”

“Well, what did she say?” I asked, pretending to be oblivious.

“She said that it was a tempting offer but she just couldn’t.” Axel sighed and I felt so guilty for causing him stress. When I started this, I did so that I could see him smile and know that I’m the reason why. But now, it was having the reverse affect.

“I’m sorry Axel.” I felt so responsible.

“Don’t, it’s not your fault. It’s not like you’re doing this to me.” Axel rolled his eyes and I tried not tol show my guilt.

“Still. Is there anything I can do?” I folded my hands on the table.

“Yeah, find out who she is and beg her to tell me. Or you can just tell me if you know.” Axel extended his hands flat on the table in despair and let his face fall on the menu.

“I wish I could.” I put my hands over his and when he lifted up his face to look at me, he smiled.

“Thanks Roxas. Anyway, let’s eat and get going. I have to finish my homework early.”

“Why’s that?”

“I promised my secret admirer that I’d IM her if she wanted tonight.”

“That’s sweet. I’m sure she’ll appreciate being able to talk to you without compromising her security.”

“I just want her to know that I’m willing to do whatever to figure out who she is.”

“Even if you have to wait?”

Axel shrugged. “Maybe.” He started eating his food and I did too, and when he drove me home to drop me off, we changed the subject.

“So how’s your band?”

“Good, we have a concert coming up for Valentines Day since we don’t want to play on V-Day, so we decided that the day before would be good.”

“Awesome. Good luck.”

“Thanks.”

“Oh, and I think I have a way to figure out who it is.” Axel grinned and I grew scared.

“Your secret admirer?”

“Well I already know that she is in our class, so it can only be one of four girls.” Axel smirked at me and I gulped.

“So….which one do you think it is?”

“To be honest, I can’t tell. I’m sure if it was Olette, you would know, right?” Axel eyed me and I nodded.

“Yea I don’t think it’s her. I’m pretty sure she has a thing for Pence.” I blushed and Axel smiled.

“Sweet; so now we only have three more! Ok, Kairi?”

“She’s Sora’s best friend.”

“Do you think it’s her?”

I shrugged. “It’s possible.”

“Dammit! What about Larxene? She looks like she’s dirty enough to leave sexy notes.”

“Yeah, but she’s way too cocky to sign it as a secret admirer.” Shit! I just narrowed down the options, making it easier for him to figure out that it’s not even a girl!

“True. Ok so if it’s not Kairi, it has to be Namine.”

I gulped hard. “I don’t know.”

“It’s not her. She likes you, remember?” Axel reminded me and I smiled.

“Oh yeah, right.” I acted and Axel sighed.

“Kairi is the only option, but it just doesn’t seem right.”

“Maybe she isn’t in our class?”

“She has to be. How else would she know when I get to class, where I sit, and everything else?” Axel asked as we pulled up to my curb.

“Well, good luck.”

“Thanks. See you in class.”

“Bye.” I got out of his car, did some homework, remembered that we were going to IM and when I checked my phone, it was almost time.

I decided that IMing him couldn’t hurt, since my username is Oblivion13. I made my account years ago, don’t have a picture posted, and haven’t really used it, and my username doesn’t give anything away about who I really am, so it’s not like Axel could figure it out.

I found his account, requested that he add me as a friend, and sent a message saying that it was his secret admirer.

“So, this is my secret admirer from school?”

“Yes. How are you?” I decided to stay general in my questions.

“I’m ok. A little tired. I want to see you. At least tell me the color of your hair. Please? Eye color? Come on, give me a hint.”

“Sorry, but I can’t make it easier for you.”

“Please! I’m begging you. For me?” He IM’d a winky face and I caved in.

“Blue eyes. That’s it! No more hints!”

“Fine. You better not be lying.”

“I wouldn’t lie to you.”

“Good. Thanks for at least telling me that. I know it’s probably not easy.”

“Trust me Axel, if I could tell you, I would.”

“Why don’t you? Just because we may not date doesn’t mean that we can’t be friends.”

“Because…once you figure out something about my identity, you won’t ever want to talk to me again.” I frowned as I sent that.

I didn’t want it to be true, but Axel isn’t gay and what if he thinks something is wrong with me for being a guy who likes other guys? I’ve seen the girls he’s dated before; girls like Xion, girls with names I don’t even know because they were grades ahead of us and HE was always the one to dump them! He once had a new girlfriend each week for five weeks straight, all seniors, when we were just sophomores! They all looked like models too. Even if I were a girl, I’d never have the guts to tell him I liked him. Being a guy just makes it all impossible.

“That won’t happen. I promise.” Axel guaranteed.

“It’s just easier this way. I’m sorry. I love you Axel.” I always wrote that on my most recent notes, and I loved the way it made him smile as he read it.

“Thank you. I appreciate the attention and time you take for me. I’d return it, if I knew who to direct it at.”

He was trying to guilt me but it wouldn’t work.

“It’s alright. Just being able to Instant Message you is enough for me.”

“Alright. We’ll, I’ll see you in school tomorrow.”

“Night Axel.”

“Night.”

We signed off and I went to bed wondering how he really felt and how he would actually feel if he knew that I were a guy. We spent the next few days doing the same thing: Going to school, leaving notes for each other, I’d have band practice, and then we’d IM at night.

One day, just a couple away from the big Valentines Day, he asked me out to lunch again; me as Roxas of course, hopefully not yet aware that I’m his secret admirer.

“Ok so she’s got blue eyes?” I asked, pretending to forget even though Axel told me on our way back to the same hamburger joint.

“Yeah. But that only eliminates Olette in our class. Ugh, that was no help at all.” Axel slumped down onto the table, his face resting on his folded arms.

“I’m sorry Axe. Just give her some times. Girls have a thing for making sure that the guy they like is really how he makes himself seem in front of other people. It’s like they don’t trust us or something.” I ate some of my fries as Axel sighed. I don’t know how I was so believable, but I was almost getting cocky at how natural my story had become to me.

“How do you know all this?”

“My brother watches anime. Most are cute love stories written by girls for girls.” I shrugged, feeding him more believable lies.

“Alright, well if I have another question, can I text you?” Axel asked and I couldn’t help my eyes from lighting up.

“Sure.” I gave him my number and he texted me his.

We finished eating as Axel ordered some alcohol.

“You….you’re not twenty one.” I whispered harshly but Axel only grinned.

“They don’t know that. I once used a fake ID, so from now on, they don’t bother asking.” Axel winked and I gulped, thankful that we walked here and that he wasn’t my ride home. Of course, my feet were my own ride.

“Do you drink often?” I asked and Axel shook his head.

“No, just when I’m depressed.” He sighed as they brought his drink and I frowned.

Was it my fault? Damn this secret admirer is more sorrowful than I thought it’d be.

“Alright, let’s go.” Axel burped after he had a few drinks and paid for them.

“You sure you’re ok?” I asked after we started walking and I noticed that Axel walked all slanted.

“Fine.” Axel hiccupped.

“Maybe you should sit down?” I suggested but Axel shook his head violently.

“Gota get my car at school.”

“Axel! You can’t drive! You’re totally hammered!” I couldn’t believe that he was contemplating driving.

“I have to. Home is far.” Axel closed his eyes, burped again, and tripped over his other foot.

“Come on.” I took his hand and led him to my house, which is close by.

“Where are we?” Axel asked as I pushed the front door open.

“My place. You can stay till you sober up.”

“Thanks Rox.” Axel smiled and patted my head, which I didn’t really like, but whatever.

“My room is upstairs.” I opened the door, surprised that Sora wasn’t home yet, but somehow thankful for it. I then checked my phone to see a text from him explaining how he was spending the night at Kairi’s. If he wasn’t gay, I’d totally jump to conclusions, but since he is, I’m pretty sure that Kairi plans on helping him nail Riku. Or actually, helping him get nailed by Riku….never mind, I don’t want to think about my twin that way anymore.

Anyway, I helped walk Axel to my bed, since he kept stumbling everywhere. I sat him down and took off my shoes, turned around, and stood wide-eyed to see him stripping.

“So hot.” Axel sighed, removing his shirt, shoes, and pants.

“Um, ok.” I wasn’t going to argue with what fate gave me. I did some homework as he snored lightly on my bed, wondering what twist of fate could have brought this redheaded angel to my own bed….drunk…passed out….nearly naked….and snoring.

After about three hours, I too became tired. I was about to climb in Sora’s bed when I realized that our twin beds can be attached to make one big bed, so with a smirk, I went to work and pushed Sora’s bed next to mine and changed into a white T and basketball shorts.

I climbed in bed and couldn’t help but stare at how Axel held onto the pillow beneath his head, his legs bent slightly, his body forming the perfect crescent shape that I’d love to snuggle up against. Then, Axel started moving a lot, and he started murmuring in his sleep as if something in his dream was bothering him. I wanted so badly to hold him, but I wouldn’t dream of accidently waking up his now sober body.

Even with the lights off, I could still see him perfectly, since the window allowed some light from the city street to drift in. I saw his hand run down his stomach and over his crotch; I gulped. Damn what I’d do to replace that hand. Axel squeezed himself and shifted his body and I nearly drooled at how perfect he looked, even as he began to slip his hand down inside his boxers. I sat up for a better look, feeling like an absolute creep, but hey, when life gives you an opportunity, take it, right?

Well right then and there, life was handing me a huge opportunity and I wanted so fucking badly to take it as I watched Axel fondle himself in his sleep. Before I knew it, I had to touch myself too, and I wanted so badly to touch him.

He wriggled his hips until his boxers slid down onto his thighs and with excited eyes, I watched without shame. Ok, there was a little bit of shame, especially as he bit his own lip, stroking his exposed tip with his thumb. I shuddered in the cold night, wanting a touch, a small sample of his erection. I tried to calm my racing heart as I breathed as silently as I could, anxious for even the slightest bit of contact with his smooth appetizing skin.

Slowly I extended my hand to his, and as he pumped, I put my hand on his cock, just to touch. He whined and twitched, but stayed asleep, even after I nearly had a heart attack. Then, he bucked his hips up, as if to beg me for more. I smiled, took his cock in my hand, and pumped. I had NEVER done this to anyone but myself  before, and since he was asleep, I didn’t know when to stop. Do I leave him hanging, still hard? Or do I let him come in my bed and risk the chances of him waking up with his cock in my hand and cum everywhere?

I didn’t care. It was just me and his dick, going steady. I gently let my thumb slide up and down his slit and a soft coo escaped his lips as he wriggled lightly.

I gulped harder.

His erection was so large and so long, it made mine extend even more. With one hand on his cock and the other on mine, I daydreamed about having this long steaming cock ramming inside me.

I started to pant softly, my head swirling with my fantasies as he exhaled loudly in his sleep. He let out a quiet moan when I stopped. What was I doing? If he wakes up, he’ll probably kill me, run like hell, and tell everyone at school! Oh god that would be awful. I’d lose him, my reputation, my band, my fans, everything. I’ll be known as the gay loser who couldn’t get any and molested the hottest most well liked guy in school! I’ll have to move, fail out of classes, and I’ll end up as one of those kids who has no choice but to kill himself over such a big secret being revealed. It was so wrong yet so hard to stop, god so hard, fuck he was so hard.

His erection was sticking straight up at me, and even after I pulled my hand back and only touched myself, it quivered in the night, begging for attention. It was like he was calling me with a yearning desire to be cared for, massaged, and caressed. I held the hand that I used to pump him up to my face. I wanted to lick it. Would that make me dirty? It was probably too late to worry about that anyway. I ran my tongue up my palm, and it didn’t taste like much, but that’s probably cause he hadn’t come yet.

I didn’t want him to come, cause I feared that it would wake him up. And if it didn’t wake up from it, he’d notice when he did wake up. But I wanted to taste it so damn bad. I loved how long his is. Damn I just couldn’t take my eyes off it, especially since it was practically twitching on its own, those red hairs itching to be fingered as they surrounded his long length.

He started to whimper. Shit! Maybe he’ll wake up if I don’t touch him? He was kicking his legs and letting out tiny cries the way a hurt puppy would, and I just couldn’t help but return my hand to his throbbing heat. Then again, he was really intoxicated, and it’s no secret that people usually tend to knock out beyond recovery when they drink that much, needing time to sleep it off.

The second I touched his cock again, he let out a moan. He gasped, then sighed loudly as I slowly and rhythmically pumped him again. I really wanted to lick it, to suck it and kiss his tip, but I knew better than to ask for him to wake up.

He shifted a bit in his sleep and I worried that I had started pumping too fast and perhaps he would wake up. Scared, I took his hand with my other hand and replaced it with mine. He didn’t pump himself, but instead he squeezed, whimpered, and bucked his hips up.

I quickly laid down and feigned sleep, in case he woke up. I didn’t want him to know what I did, so if he woke up suddenly with his own hand on his dick, he should believe that I was sleeping the whole time.

It wasn’t easy, especially when he whimpered and fidgeted, I felt guilty. I wanted so badly to continue; to kiss his soft warm lips; to let my fingers explore his body. Instead, I turned my back to him and did my best to drift off to sleep. It was nearly pointless, but in my exhaustion I was able to catch a little bit of sleep.

I woke up the next morning before he did and quickly showered and changed quietly, thankful that he was still deep asleep even as I pushed Sora’s bed back to his side of the room.

His dick was back in his boxers and I didn’t see any traces that he finished, so he probably fixed it in his sleep and stayed that way.

Right when I made Sora’s bed and fixed the pillows, Axel stirred, sitting up with a hand on his head.

“Damn, I had such a weird dream.”

I froze, gulping with my back to him as I straightened Sora’s pillow that I had used.

“Oh? What about?” I asked and Axel sighed.

“I don’t really remember, but I remember that it was weird. You were there too.” Axel got out of bed and started making it.

“Odd. Oh, don’t worry, I can make it.” I moved next to him and took over making the bed.

“Thanks. Where? Where are my clothes?” Axel looked at me funny and I tried not to laugh.

“You said you were hot and threw them, so I folded them over here.” I handed him his pants and shirt from my desk.

“Thanks Roxas, I owe you.” Axel changed back into them and started putting his shoes back on. It was so hard not to stare. His chest and abs are a delicious pale; his legs look so soft yet firm and long; his tummy has these small red hairs at the base of his pelvis. I wanted to touch those last night, but I didn’t want the sensations of tickling to wake him up either.

“You ok?” I asked, just to fill the awkward silence that followed.

“Yeah. I think I should head back to my car. I have a hangover that will make my homework take twice as long to complete.”

“Good luck.” I offered a small smile and Axel returned it.

“Thanks Roxas. Seriously, you’re a great guy. And I’m real sorry about passing out on your bed like that. I want you to know I don’t do that a lot, its just, yesterday,” He paused and looked out the window. “I get frustrated knowing that I may never know who she is, and I know it sounds silly, but I take it seriously. Anyway, thanks. I’ll make it up to you.” Axel waved and I waved back.

“Don’t worry about it.” I watched as his ass disappeared down the stairs and out the door before I fell back on my bed, ready for a quick nap since I spent most of my night watching him sleep.

I woke up just as Sora came back to fill me in on the anime’s he watched with Kairi and just in time to make dinner before IMing Axel. And of course, I never told Sora that Axel was here, in our room, sleeping in my bed. I don’t want to know what conclusions he’d jump to or what he’d say his anime’s would do. It’s because of Sora’s dumb advice that Axel is all depressed and hung over; ok so it’s my fault for taking Sora’s dumb advice, but still! Anyway, I logged on to my IM account and waited for him to message me first.

It became a routine thing to IM him at a certain hour and we just casually talked about whatever; school, home-life (without giving anything away), and stuff like that. We’d ask each other basic questions, like favorite number, favorite color, movies, books, foods, stuff like that. Then, he asked me what my perfect date would be.

“Hmm, well for starters, if it’s the perfect date, it’d have to be with you.” I sent and he replied with a blushing face. “You’d pick me up, hold my hand, open the car door for me, and drive us to a movie. You’d know that I’m terrified of scary movies, but you’d comfort me and convince me to go in just by offering me your hand as we enter the theatre. I get scared and jump at all the scary parts, but you hold my hand and keep an arm around me to make me feel better. Just when I’m absolutely frightened, you place me on your lap and hold me. I get through the movie, glad that I watched it just so that I could have an excuse to be closer to you. After the movie, you’d hold my hand back to your car and all the way to the restaurant we’d eat at. I don’t care where we eat or what we eat, so long as there are candles and I can look at you and talk to you. After we eat, we spend the care ride back to my house getting to know even more about each other. Then, you park outside my house, walk me to my door, tell me you had a wonderful time, and just when I’m about to go inside, you stop me and pull me in for a kiss. It starts off with our lips meeting for the first time, but then you slowly slide your tongue in my mouth, and I’m so happy, I could cry. You whisper in my ear that you’ll see me tomorrow, and I blush as I wave goodbye, watching you drive off. I get in bed, desperate to dream of you until I get to see you again.” I sent all that and waited, my heart pounding as I waited for a response.

“…..Damn….you really thought that through.”

“Yeah…you have no idea.” I smiled behind the safety of my laptop, thankful that Sora was hanging out with Kairi for the day and wouldn’t be back till later.

“I don’t need to know your name or who you are to tell that you are a generous person. From all the notes and the times we’ve IM’d, I can tell that you are sincere and sweet. Please end my torture. Tell me the first letter of your first name? Or even to your last name? Anything.”

“I’m sorry Axel, I love you too much.”

“So, realistically, do you ever think you’ll tell me?”

I waited before I responded, “No.”

“Alright I have one more offer.”

“Ok…” I responded shakily.

“Tomorrow is the day before Valentines day. Tell me who you are by the time school gets out tomorrow, and I will spend all of V-day with you and you alone.”

“Axel, I want to, but I cant.” I started to feel bad, but he just didn’t understand.

“Then I have no choice but to ask you to stop being my ‘secret admirer’.  It was fun at first, and it’s flattering, but I’m getting sick of wondering who you are if I’ve never going to figure out. Please stop. I hope you can respect this.”

“Axel, don’t.” I sent back, taking it personal as I felt my heart splitting in two.

“I’ll delete you as a friend after tonight, and I won’t be writing anymore notes. Any that you write to me, I won’t read them.”

That was it. I started crying. I know he wanted to know, but shouldn’t he realize how hard this is for me?

“Axel wait. I’ll tell you.” I sniffled as I made a rash decision. I’d rather tell Axel and lose him then just lose him…right? Ugh, I was so unsure, but it was too late, I already sent the IM.

“Really? I’m so glad to hear that!”

“I’m scared.” For some reason, I felt like I could trust him enough to tell him that. The Axel that I knew over IM was the same Axel that I knew in person, but I felt like I knew him better when we IM’d, only because it was then when he knew the real me, despite not even knowing my name.

“Don’t be.”

“This is so terrifying.” I cried to myself, sniffling in my fear.

“It’s very brave of you. Trust me, it’ll be worth it.” Axel sent back with a smiling face and I nodded, to no one really, since I was alone.

“Kay.” I sent back. I was shaking. What did I just do?

“So, how are you going to tell me? I want to know face to face, no slips.”

Dammit. I was planning on writing my name and making a run for it back home.

“No slips?”

“I don’t want you writing the wrong name. Then I’d never know.”

I sighed. “Give me tonight to think about it. Then, tomorrows slip will tell you how I plan to tell you in person.”

“Alright. The slip can say when and where, as long as it doesn’t directly say who.”

“Ok.” I smiled. I was almost excited if I wasn’t already dying of nerves.

“See you tomorrow, not so secret 'secret admirer'.” Axel typed and I sent a kissing face.

“Goodnight my love. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I signed off and spent my night wondering how my life could possibly change in the next twenty four hours.


	4. But....Now What?

It was the day before Valentines day, so it was the day of our big concert, and having to waste time in class was literally torture. The only good part was the note that I left for Axel, which said for him to be patient because I had a surprise before I told him when and where I’d tell him. I could tell that he wasn’t happy, but when Cloud Strife walked in our classroom delivering candy-grams, Axel’s face lit up.

Everyone got a little something from their ‘significant other’, and I got a bunch of flowers and candies from fans. I looked to Sora, who smiled at me. Hayner got a bunch of shit too, and we were feeling pretty confident about our show, seeing that we had a lot of clearly dedicated fans. Pence and Olette each gave each other a rose and I could totally see something going on. Sora got a huge teddy bear that was from Riku, and Sora sent Riku some flowers with chocolates. I swear those two are going to be together by the end of the day.

As for Axel, I got him eleven real red roses that were full in bloom. He was the only one to get so many roses, all from one person.

“For me?” Axel stood up to take the flowers and read the card to himself.

“Who’s it from?” Demyx asked and Axel smiled.

“My secret admirer.”

“Aww, how cute!” Kairi said and I tried to look occupied. On the bouquet I wrote a note saying that I intentionally gave him eleven roses, and that he would get the twelfth at the concert. I told him that there was no need for him to try to look for me, that all he had to do was stand as close to the stage as he could and I would find him and give him a single red rose. I told him that I would write another note on the rose, just in case he gets roses from other girls, since he is popular.

I glanced over as he read and he smiled so big, it made my heart pound. Waiting for class to get out took twice as long.

~                                                                          

Once class got out I ran to my locker, dumped off all my shit inside, and ran to the auditorium to warm up with Hayner, Pence, and Olette.

“Roxas, hurry up.” Hayner tapped a foot on the stage as I climbed on.

“Alright alright.” I got my mic stand ready as we began rehearsing all the songs we planned on playing and in the order we finally agreed on.

“Whats that for?” Olette asked as I put a bucket of roses behind the stage curtain. I had nineteen white roses and one red rose, that way when I hand the red one to Axel, it won’t look as random if I hand out nineteen white ones to my fans.

“Oh, I figured since Valentines Day is tomorrow, I can hand out these roses.” I shrugged and Pence nodded.

“Smart thinking.”

“Ah, no wonder you’re the pretty boy.” Hayner rolled his eyes and I smiled.

“Don’t be jealous. You know I’d give a girl your number before I’d give her mine.”

“Thanks Rox.” Hayner high fived me when the first of our fans walked in. A bunch of them started standing by the stage and some took seats in the auditorium as Hayner and I test sounded our equipment.

“Damn, there are a lot of people.” Pence nodded at the audience and Hayner grinned.

“Well one of them is going to be my valentine.”

Olette rolled her eyes. “Good luck with that.”

“Hey, it’s not like you have one!” Hayner snapped back.

“Actually,” Pence scratched the back of his neck and I smiled.

“I called it.” I shook my head.

“What? Are you two dating?” Hayner looked back and forth at each of them.

“Since this morning.” Pence bragged and Olette blushed.

“I can’t believe I never knew!” Hayner growled.

“Come on Hayner, its starting time.” I said, ready when I saw that Axel was here, standing by the front of the stage in a grey hoody that hung loosely on his body. He had the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and it looked more like a sweater-shirt hybrid that I wanted so badly to get under. He wore dark blue jeans, also lose fitted and a grey beanie on his head that flattened his straight hair. I looked at myself, wearing white skinny jeans and a red V-neck shirt. I was practically Mr. Valentines day, but I mainly did so for my fans.

“How’s everyone doing?” Hayner asked into the microphone as the girls screamed. Even though I was the singer and the ‘face of the band’, Hayner always took charge, which is fine with me.

After Hayner made his introductions and everything, Pence counted us down on his drums, and I stood closer to my microphone, nervous.

Usually I don’t get nervous and I never have stage fright because the girls don’t intimidate me. But having Axel there….I barely knew where I was, much less what I was supposed to be doing.

Hayner’s guitar started and Pence began beating his drumsticks and I cleared my throat, ready for my cue. We switched song order at the last minute, so I reminded myself not to sing the wrong one as I blinked Axel away in my mind.

The music for this song, She’s No You, is fast and intricate, and I subconsciously started swaying to it, allowing my hips to swing side to side behind the mic stand.

“They got a lot of girls who know they got it going on, but nothing’s ever a comparison to you. Now cant you see that you’re the only one I really want? And everything I need is everything you do.”

I swayed again to another side. “Any girl walk by, don’t matter, ‘cause you’re looking so much better. Don’t ever need to get caught up in jealous. She could be a super-model, every magazine-the cover, she’ll never ever mean a thing to me,”

Then the chorus came.

“She’s not you! Oh no! You give me more than I could ever want. She’s no you, oh no! I’m satisfied with the one I’ve got. Cause your all the girl that I’ve ever dreamed. She’s only a picture on a magazine. She’s no you…..she’s no you!”

I started dancing a little for this next part, just by adding some more momentum as I swung my hips and moved my shoulders to the beat.

“They got a lot of girls who dance in all the videos. But I prefer the way you do, the way you move. You’re more than beautiful and I just want to let you know, That all I ever need is what I’ve got with you.”

I smiled at different fans as I continued.

“Any girl walk by, don’t matter. Every time you’re looking better. I think you are perfect, there aint nothing I would change.  She could be a super-model, every magazine-the cover. She’ll never ever take my heart away.”

Right away I jumped into the chorus.

“She’s not you! Oh no! You give me more than I could ever want. She’s no you, oh no! I’m satisfied with the one I’ve got. Cause your all the girl that I’ve ever dreamed. She’s only a picture on a magazine. She’s no you…..she’s no you!”

I slowed down by staring at each fan in the front one by one in the eye as I made my way from left to right, ending a couple girls after Axel.

“No one’s ever going to get to me, Oh, the way you do. Now baby cant you see, that you’re the one, the only one, who’s ever made me feel this way? Nothings even coming close. Nothing’s ever been comparable to youuuuu. Ooohh yeaaaa.”

I stood still behind my microphone.

“I don’t want, nothing I don’t got. I don’t need nothing but you. I cant get more than you give me. So don’t stop, anything you do. You’re all that, all that and then some. You know what, just what I need. And no girl, no place and no where, could mean a thing to me….

“She’s no you! Oh no! You give me more than I could ever want. She’s no you. Oh no. I’m satisfied with the one I got. Cause you’re all the girl that I ever dreamed, she’s only a picture on a magazine. She’s no you! She’s No You!”

I repeated the chorus once more, ending as the music faded out and prepared for our next song, Because You Live. This one starts out slow and builds up and instantly gets a crowd going. I sat on a stool as I began singing a song I wrote for Axel.

“Staring out at the rain with a heavy heart, It’s the end of the world in my mind. Then your voice pulls me back like a wake up call. I’ve been looking for the answer, somewhere. I couldn’t see that it was right there. But now I know what I didn’t know.”

I stood up and everyone started singing along.

“Because you live and breathe. Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help. Because you live girl, my world, has twice as many stars in the sky.”

I sat back down as the music slowed down, back to how it started.

“It’s alright, I survived, I’m alive again. Cause of you, I made it through every storm. What is life whats the use if you’re killing time? I’m so glad I found an angel, someone who was there when all my hopes fell. I want to fly looking in your eyes.”

I took the mic off of the stand, still sitting.

“Because you live and breathe. Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help. Because you live girl, my world, has twice as many stars in the sky. Because you live, I live.”

I stood up slowly, preparing for the increase in tempo.

“Because you live, there’s a reason why. I carry on when I lose the fight. I want to give what you’ve given me, always.”

I lifted an arm up and all the girls sang the chorus with me.

“Because you live and breathe, because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help. Because you live, girl, my world, has twice as many stars in the sky. Because you live and breathe, because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help. Because you live, girl, my world, my world, has everything I need to survive. Because you live…….I live.” I sat back down. “I live.” And the music faded out. More clapping and a bunch of cheering later, and we started another song. This one is half like a rap that I wrote a little while ago. It’s called It’s over. I didn’t really write it about anyone, but I guess if I had to choose someone, I’d say Namine.

When the music started I stood up at my microphone stand, held it, and began.

“We’ve run out of words, we’ve run out of time. We’ve run out of reason really why we together. We both know its over, baby bottom line, it’s best we don’t even talk at all. Don’t call me even if I should cross your mind. Hard enough I don’t need to hear your voice on my messages. Let’s just call it quits, it’s probably better So if I’m not returning your calls its cause,  Cause I’m not coming back I’m closing the door. I used to be tripping over missing you, but I’m not anymore. I got the picture phone, baby your pictures gone. Couldn’t stand to see your smile every time you dialed.”

I took the microphone off the stand again and started walking around the stage from side to side.

“Cause it’s over. Girl you know it’s over this time. So when you call I’m pressing seven, don’t want to hear your messages, messages. I’m trying to erase you from my mind. Cause it’s over, I swear girl it’s over this time. So don’t keep calling leaving messages, don’t want to know where you been. Baby cause it’s over.”

I walked to the other side of the stage, looking at Axel briefly before returning my gaze to any random pair of eyes.

“I still wake up every morning quarter to ten. I still eat my cereal right at the kitchen table. I can’t even remember how long it’s been. No trouble staying occupied. Oh I ask about you whenever I come around. I do what I can not to put my business in the streets. Last thing I need’s another episode. Keep conversation short and sweet because, Cause I’m not coming back I’m closing the door. I used to be tripping over missing you but I’m not anymore. I got the picture phone, baby your picture’s gone. Couldn’t stand to see your smile, every time you dialed.

“Cause it’s over. Girl you know it’s over this time. So when you call I’m pressing seven, don’t want to hear your messages, messages. I’m trying to erase you from my mind. Cause baby it’s over. I swear girl it’s over this time. So don’t keep calling leaving messages, don’t want to know where you been. Baby cause it’s over.”

I returned to my stool to sit.

“You know that it’s over when the burning and the yearning inside your heart aint there anymore. And you know that you’re through when she don’t do to you and move you like the way she moved you before. And you want to pull her close, but your heart has froze. You kiss her but her eyes don’t close. Then she goes out of your heart forever. And it hurts but you know that it’s better.”

I stood up with the mic in my hand, eyes closed.

“Girl you know it’s over. Girl you know it’s over this time. So when you call I’m pressing seven, don’t want to hear you messages, messages. I’m trying to erase you from my mind. Cause it’s over. I swear girl it’s over this time. So don’t keep calling leaving messages, don’t want to know where you been. Baby cause it’s over.”

The music slowly started to drop out.

“Cause it’s over. Girl you know it’s over this time. So when you call I’m pressing seven, don’t want to hear your messages, messages. I’m trying to erase you from my mind. Cause it’s over. I swear girl it’s over this time. So don’t keep calling leaving messages, don’t want to know where you been. Baby cause it’s over.” I stood up and waved a hand in thanks for all the clapping and the screaming.

“Alright, we have one more song. You want to hear Beautiful Soul?” I asked into the microphone and everyone started cheering louder.

“Alright then.” I smiled and turned around and nodded at Pence who started us off. I moved my stool over and carried the bucket of thornless white roses to a corner behind a curtain so that I could access it during the song. And in that bucket laid Axel’s red rose and a note on it saying, “Nice to meet you Axel, I’m Roxas.”

I gulped, not sure if was willing to go through with this crazy idea. But then again, I had to. Axel came to watch us play just to find out who likes him and if I didn’t give it to him, I’d probably crush his heart….again. “Alright Everyone, in honor of Valentines Day, I’d like you all to know that I want your beautiful souls.” I winked, doing some mild flirting to help us gain popularity.

The music started up and I stood up to the microphone, inhaling and exhaling, getting ready for the scariest thing I’ve ever done.

 “I don’t want another pretty face, I don’t want just anyone to hold, I don’t want my love to go to waste, I want you and your beautiful soul. You’re the one I want to chase, you’re the one I want to hold, I wont let another minute go to waste, I want you and your beautiful soul.”

I cleared my throat again and closed my eyes. Maybe if I didn’t see Axel, I wouldn’t be so nervous?

“I know that you are something special. To you I’d be always faithful. I want to be, what you always needed, then I hope you’ll see the heart in me.”

The chorus started up again as I opened my eyes, looking at random fans because it makes them squeal and smile.

“I don’t want another pretty face, I don’t want just anyone to hold, I don’t want my love to go to waste, I want you and your beautiful soul. You’re the one I want to chase, you’re the one I want to hold, I wont let another minute go to waste, I want you and your beautiful soul. Your beautiful soul, yeah, yeah.”

I grabbed the microphone off of the stand so that I could walk around a bit as I started singing again.

“You might need time, to think it over. But I’m just fine, moving forward. I’ll ease your mind, if you give me the chance. I wont ever make you cry, come on lets try.”

I moved to my left, distancing myself from Axel, who was on my right as I started the chorus yet again.

“I don’t want another pretty face, I don’t want just anyone to hold. I don’t want my love to go to waste, I want you and your beautiful soul. You’re the one I want to chase, you’re the one I want to hold, I wont let another minute go to waste, I want you and your beautiful Soooooouuuuulll!”

I walked to my right, stared at Axel, and took a deep breath before I grabbed a handful of roses from behind the curtain, tossing them in random directions. Fans cheered and waved to get my attention. I threw out the rest of the white roses and held the single red rose in my hand. All the girls cheered, arms raised to try to catch it and I gulped.

Am I crazy? What the fuck is wrong with me? No, it’s too late now. I have to. I knelt down and with a shaking hand, I nervously handed it to Axel just as the last chorus started.

* * *

Axel stared at me with suspicious eyes as I stared back in his, singing the last of the song to him and him alone as I stayed kneeling.

“Am I crazy for wanting you? Maybe do you think you could want me to? I don’t want to waste your time. Do you see things, the way I do? I just want to know if you feel it too. There is nothing left to hide.”

 “I don’t want another pretty face, I don’t want just anyone to hold. I don’t want my love to go to waste, I want you and your beautiful soul. You’re the one I want to chase, you’re the one I want to hold, I wont let another minute go to waste, I want you and your soul. I don’t want another pretty face, I don’t just anyone to hold. I don’t want my love to go to waste, I want you and your beautiful soul. Ooh, your beautiful soul, yea yea yea. Ooooh, yeaaaaaaaa. Your beautiful soul.”

All music stopped on my last word as the clapping started. As hard as it was, once I stood up, I kept my eyes off of that handsome redhead. I thanked our fans, told them we loved them, and waved goodbye as I started dissembling my microphone stand.

“Good show.” I smiled at Hayner, who looked at me a little funny.

“Nice touch with the roses.” He shook his head clear of whatever he was thanking and took his guitar strap off of his shoulder.

“That was awesome!” Olette clapped.

“Good job guys.” Pence high fived her and we all smiled.

We put our equipment in a closet off stage that was reserved for us, and then returned back to the stage, where a lot of our fans were still waiting.

“Roxas!” A girl I didn’t recognize called my name so I smiled at her, but continued on my way. I had at least twenty other girls all screaming my name, and I tried to remain civil as I waved at them and continued to hide from Axel.

Thankfully, I didn’t see Axel’s red hair or grey sweater anywhere, so I started heading for the door.

“Roxas?” Namine called and I gulped.

“Hey Namine. Thanks for coming to watch us play.” I gave her a friendly smile.

“That person you gave the last rose to, who you sang to, do you love her?” Namine asked and I wondered if maybe she was too far away to see that it was Axel.

“Oh, um, I just picked someone random to give it to.” I shrugged.

“Oh. Kay.” She smiled and hugged me. “Great show Roxas.” She waved as she walked off and I sighed.

“So, I’m a random person?” I heard Axel’s voice behind me and I froze.

“Axel?” I gasped.

“So it is you.” Axel half asked, half assumed and I swallowed as I nodded.

“Yeah. It’s me.” I looked away.

“Just to be sure, what’s my IM name?”

“Firelover8. I’m Oblivion13, and your favorite color is red, because even though you used to be teased about it as a little kid, you recognize it to be a part of who you are. You’re favorite number is 8, because no matter if you cut it in half vertically or horizontally, it’s symmetrical. You like watching horror movies, you like to make pizza from scratch, and you love to play with lighters.” I spat out the random facts about him that I easily memorized. Axel shook his head, laughing.

“You’re so…..,” I braced for his insult. “Thoughtful.” Axel held his rose up to his nose. “It’s beautiful.” Axel said, looking at the rose.

“Just like your soul.” I smiled, then turned a bright red as I cleared my throat.

Axel smiled too. “Uh-oh.” He said just as we noticed that a bunch of girls were headed our way.

“Yeah, they do that a lot after shows.” I said, used to the attention. I’m not complaining, it’s nice to be recognized, but I wanted time with Axel.

“Come on.” Axel said, suddenly taking my hand and running as I tried to keep up.

“Where are we going?” I yelled over the momentum of our running bodies.

“Away!” Axel answered as we sped up to lose the super dedicated fans that chased after us.

Once we lost them, we turned a corner and stopped at our lockers. We each caught our breaths, bending over to breathe, even as Axel kept my hand in his.

“Thanks.” I said and he shrugged.

“So, dinner and a movie tonight, and then Valentines day together tomorrow?” Axel asked and I looked at him funny.

“What?”

“I told you that if you told me who you are I’d take you out on a movie and dinner date. Then I said that if you told me before V-day, I’d spend it with you. A deal’s a deal Rox.”

“Axel, you don’t have to. Don’t worry, I’ll be ok.” I let my hand slip out of his and turned around. Already I sighed and could feel my heart wearing me down.

“Stop.” Axel called and I did, still with my back to him. “You cared enough about me to write such beautiful poems and notes; you’re thoughtful enough to listen to me when I needed help, and sweet enough to take me home when I was drunk. And you’re honest cause you never lied to me, even when you easily could have. You’re brave since you just confessed, even though you were so scared of telling me who you are. I respect you Roxas. I want to spend time with you.” Axel walked up right behind me and I looked down at my shoes.

“Really?”

“Yeah. Come on, we have a movie to catch.” Axel took my hand. He walked me to his car, opened my door, and helped me into his bright red sports car. He drove us to the movies and as we drove, we were silent. We parked and he opened the door for me and once again took my shaking hand.

“It’s ok Rox, relax.” He smiled at me and I wanted to melt then and there.

“What movie are we going to see?” I asked and he grinned in a way that scared me.

“That one.” He pointed to a poster advertising the newest scary movie out. It’s supposed to be so scary that its rumored that someone died of a heart-attack watching it.

“But, that woman who died!” I started, already freaking out.

“It’s just a rumor. You know those are never true. Come on, I’m right here.” Axel squeezed my hand as my heart raced in fear. We entered inside our theatre with popcorn and a large drink to share, with one straw. I was way too scared to even touch the popcorn, but Axel dove right in, keeping my hand in his.

I must have jumped like ten times in the first thirty minutes, shrinking back into my seat and keeping just one of my eyes open.

Then, half-way through during a freaky murder scene, I screamed as the murder jumped out of the shadows. I shrieked, jumped nearly out of my seat, and covered my face with my hands, even though it meant letting go of Axel’s. Then, as I shook, I felt Axel slip his arm around me.

“Shh, it’s ok. It’s over now.” Axel said, referring to the scary murder scene.

I shook my head.

“Come on Roxas.” Axel rubbed my back and I wanted to die. There I was watching a terrifying movie with my crush’s hand on me. Talk about conflict of feelings.

I shook my head once more when I realized that I was being lifted out of my seat.

“Now will you watch it?” Axel asked as he pulled me into his lap. I gulped and looked at him, his eyes so dangerously close to mine. I could hardly breathe as I put my head on his chest, still scared, but at least when I needed to hide, I could hide in him.

When the movie ended, I sighed with relief.

“That was pretty good.” Axel said, helping me up out of his lap.

“I never want to see that again.” I shuddered and Axel laughed.

“Alright, well we won’t watch it again, ok? Now come on, we have to have dinner.” Axel took my hand again as we drove to a fancy steakhouse.

“Everything looks so good.” I said, reading the menu. We had a nice quiet calm booth at the corner of the restaurant as we sat facing each other; there was even candles lit between us.

“Get whatever you want, my treat.” Axel said, reading his own menu.

“But you already paid for the movie.” I felt bad.

“So? You paid for the popcorn and the drink, which you hardly touched.” Axel smirked and I could feel my cheeks turning red.

“That’s not nearly as expensive.”

“Roxas. I want to do this, with you. It’s fine.” Axel smiled and I did too, trying not to let my nerves take over as we ordered and waited for our food.

“So….Roxy…when did you realize that you loved me?” Axel asked and my eyes went wide.

“Um, when I saw how cute and sweet you are.” I said, sticking with a simple answer.

“I see. How long ago?”

“The first day of high school.”

“Damn! Four years? So you’ve been holding it in all this time?”

“Yeah.” I looked down at the white table cloth.

“Roxas? Why were you so scared of telling me who you are? Look at you. You’re cute, popular, all the girls love you. I don’t see why you didn’t want to tell me.” Axel said simply and I shook my head.

“Cause I’m a guy.” I couldn’t look at him. “What if you thought I was gross? I couldn’t handle being rejected like that. But when you threatened to ignore me, I figured I might as well risk it, since I’d have nothing to lose if I was going to lose you either way.” I played with my hands on the table, my eyes slightly tearing as his hands reached mine, squeezing them gently.

“Idiot. My best friend, Demyx, is gay.” Axel chuckled and I couldn’t help but smile.

“It still nerve-wrecking!” I shrugged and Axel nodded.

“Well, I’m proud of you for telling me. Thanks.” Axel let go of my hands as our food came.

We chatted lightly as we ate and after he paid, we walked hand in hand to his car.

“So, tell me more about you.” Axel said once he put his car in gear.

“What do you want to know?”  I asked, shrugging.

“Whatever you want to share.” Axel kept his eyes on the road as I thought. “You know everything about me, so tell me more about you.” Axel repeated and I nodded.

“I like sky blue, just cause it reminds me of summer. I like the number thirteen, cause it’s a bakers dozen, and my twin and I used to love going to the bakery when we were little.” Axel smiled and I laughed at the memory. “Um, I love singing, but I don’t know how long I’m going to keep it up. After high school, I want to go to college and study creative writing. I wrote all our songs, so I figured I have a pretty good understanding of the basics.” I was about to continue, but Axel stopped me.

“Wait, you wrote all those songs?”

“And more.”

“Damn. The lyrics were cute.” Axel smiled. “Especially in the one you sang to me.”

“I wrote it for you.” I said, looking out the window.

“You did?!”Axel took his eyes off the road to ask.

I smiled, loving how much easier it was to talk to him then I thought. “Yeah. I was so nervous about singing it to you, cause for years I’ve been dreaming about it. But then once I locked eyes with you, it was so hard to look away.”

I was silent as Axel cleared his throat.

“Thanks Roxas. I really appreciate you sharing all of this. You’re a sweet guy.” He smiled and I smiled back. We were silent for the last few minutes of our car ride, up till he parked on the curbside. He got out and opened my door, walking me up the porch and stopping outside the front door.

“I had a wonderful time Roxas.” He smiled at me and I looked away.

“Me too.” I said, sad, and he could tell.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” I said, reaching for the door, but he caught my wrist.

“What’s wrong?” He repeated, much more serious.

“I just, I’m so glad I got to spend such a great day with you….but now what? Now it’s back to normal and I can’t even write notes to you, cause you know who I am.” I blinked a silent tear free.

“We still have valentines day tomorrow.” Axel reminded me as he wiped my tear with his thumb.

“Yeah, but after that?” I looked away and cleared my throat. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ruin things. Thanks Axe, for everything. I’m so glad that you didn’t cancel just because I’m a guy.” I smiled honestly and he smiled back.

“Goodnight Roxas.”

“Goodnight Axe.” I put my hand on my door handle, but then Axel sighed. I looked at him, he grabbed my hands, he pulled my body up to his, and with his hands gripping my wrists, he kissed me.

I whimpered into the kiss, wanting so badly to throw my arms around him as he slipped his tongue across my lips. 

He dropped my hands and put his on my waist. I raised my hands and let my arms fall on his shoulders lazily as he pulled back.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” He whispered in my ear, kissed my cheek and walked away.

I stood at the door, watching him get in his car. He waved as he drove off and I waved back, going inside, climbing in bed, and I fell asleep dreaming of our day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone I just wanted to apologize for any errors and if it feels rushed. I wanted to post so that it lined up perfectly with Valentines Day but my sister is getting married this week and is a total bridezilla so its been chaos. Thanks for the patience and understanding! Also when I originally wrote this chapter years ago I did so while listening to the Jesse McCartney songs mentioned, so I understand for some it may be unnecessary to write the whole song, but I like being able to listen to it while reading it and picturing Roxas singing to Axel.  
> ~Sarabellum


	5. I Knew It'd Be Worth It

When I woke up, Sora lectured me on not coming home so late without telling him, but when I told him that I went out with Axel, he hushed right up.

“Tell me everything!” Sora begged and on our way to school, I did, leaving out only the goodnight kiss.

“He’s really easy to talk to.” I shrugged.

“Ooooh, Roxy, I think he likes you.” Sora squealed.

“He does not. He was just being nice. He’s sweet like that.” I said as we walked to our first class. The second we got in there, Riku ambushed us.

“Sora? Will you be my Valentine?” Riku asked and Sora bounced with joy.

“Oh Riku!” Sora took the teddy bear and squeezed the life out of it before he did the same to his crush.

I smiled for his happiness, a bit sad that Axel wasn’t there, at least not yet. I took my seat, waited, and just when the bell rang, Axel ran in.

“Hey.” He chose a seat right behind me.

“Hey.” I turned around and he started scribbling a note and passed it to me as our teacher, Yen Sid, walked in.

-Did you dream of me last night?

I read Axel’s note and blushed as I responded.

-Yeah, I did.

-Sweet! I win!

-Win what?

I wrote back, confused. I swear to god if that was all part of some bet with his friends to embarrass me, I was going to run out of class and cry myself to sleep for the entire day.

-Your perfect date list. We did everything on it.

I thought for a moment, remembering our Instant Message conversation and how we actually did do everything I said.

-I don’t even know what to say. I can’t believe I didn’t realize it. Thank you so much.

I wrote back with a heart.

-You ready for today?

-What’s planned?

I asked, curious.

-It’s a surprise.

Axel wrote back with a winky face.

-Thanks Axe, it means the world to me that you’re doing this.

-Of course Roxy. Be my valentine?

I turned around, smiled at him, and nodded. He smiled back just as Yen Sid started his extra boring power point.

I was diligently taking notes when I felt something tickling the back of my neck, and I tried to scratch but nothing was there. Right away, I thought back to the last time I sat in front of Axel. I whipped around to see him smiling with a pencil in his hand.

I smiled back and turned back around hoping that that would be the end of it, but I was wrong.

Instead of ticking my neck, I could feel the pen tracing my lower back where the little gap in the chair is. I swallowed hard and fidgeted, a clear sign that I was uncomfortable. Instead, Axel stuck the pen further down and I gasped out loud.

Everyone looked at me and I coughed and looked out the window as slowly people returned to taking notes.

I turned around and looked at Axel, who was doodling on his notebook.

“Axe.” I whispered harshly.

“M?” he didn’t take his eyes off his paper.

“Get it out, please?” the pencil slipped too far down for me to get naturally. It was officially in my pants

“Go ask for a pass to the bathroom.” Axel looked up at me and I nodded, raising my hand and excusing myself to the restroom.

I went inside the far stall, the biggest one, and pulled down my pants, letting the pencil fall. I sighed, fixed my clothes, and when I came out, Axel was there.

“Need any help?” He asked and I shook my red face.

“Why did you do that?” I couldn’t help but ask.

“You’re seriously wondering?” Axel smiled and I nodded.  He sighed uneasily. “I don’t want to make it awkward, but I knew it was you.”

“What?” I asked like a ghosts whisper and Axel walked closer to me.

“When you sat in front of me last time, when you came in late, I saw your handwriting and it matched the ones on the notes. I knew it couldn’t be any of the girls in our class, and all the gay guys already have boyfriends. Well, all the open ones at least. Anyway, when I saw that your handwriting was the same on the notes, I put it all together and realized it was you.” Axel looked away and I could feel my stomach knotting and my throat filling up.

“You did?” I couldn’t believe it.

“Yeah. When I asked you for advice, I was hoping that you’d give me a way to let you know that you can be comfortable around me. I wanted to tell you that even though you’re a guy, it’s not going to scare me away. But you were pretty sneaky about it and it never came up naturally, so I made it seem like I still thought it was a girl. If it wasn’t for that one day you showed up late, I never would have guessed you. But once I knew, it all made sense. You’re a great guy Rox.” Axel moved even closer to me and I backed up into a wall. “What’s the matter?” he asked me but I just shook my head as I teared up.

“Nothing.”

“Roxas, don’t lie to me. What’s wrong?” He stood over me, my breath hitting his chest as I started to panic.

“You knew all along! I feel so stupid!”

“Don’t.” Axel put a hand on my shoulder. “Don’t.”

“Idiot! Why didn’t you tell me sooner!” I yelled, ready to hit him.

“I didn’t want to scare you. I wanted you to feel comfortable enough around me to share the truth.” He ran his warm hands up and down my biceps.

“I can’t believe that you knew.” I couldn’t get over that. It’s so crushing and depressing.

I looked away, but then he lifted up my chin and planted a soft gentle kiss on my lips.

“You’re still my valentine, whether you like it or not.” Axel grinned at me and I smiled.

“Thanks Axe.” I hugged him and he hugged me back.

“Next time, let me take the pencil out.” Axel winked at me.

“I told you to back in class!” I huffed.

“Well I can’t grope your ass in class now can I?” Axel put his hands on his hips and I blushed.

“I guess not.” I admitted quietly.

“You’re so cute Roxas.” Axel pulled me back into a hug. “Oh, I have one more confession.”

“What is it?” I asked, terrified to know.

“Um, remember when I spent the night at your house all wasted?”

“Yea, why?”

“Yeah um, I wasn’t asleep.” Axel winced and I thought I had died.

“YOU WHAT?!” I yelled and he put his hands up in defense.

“I really was hammered off my ass, but I was awake. Well, not at first, but I woke up when I felt your hand. But it felt so good, I didn’t want to let you know I was awake cause I didn’t want to scare you and I didn’t want you to stop.” Axel admitted shyly.

“So you knew it wasn’t a dream?”

“I wanted to see your reaction if I said it was.” Axel shrugged.

“You liar!!!” I shouted, hitting his arm roughly.

“OW! I’m a guy with hormones who had a really hot guy grab my dick! What would you have done?” Axel asked and I looked away, a bit upset at that one. The only thing that made it better was that he called me hot.

“I can’t believe that you tricked me.” I huffed, angry.

“Did you really think that I could sleep through the best hand job I’ve ever gotten?” Axel asked and I gulped.

“Best hand job?” I asked, not knowing how I felt. Yeah it was great to be called his best, but that only meant that I wasn’t his only.

“I’ve had a couple before, sure, but I could actually feel the love and warmth from yours unlike anything ever before.” Axel smiled at me and I blushed.

“If you ever trick me again!” I started. “Why can’t I just die now? Ugh, you’re such a liar!” I pointed at him.

“It felt so good!” Axel gulped and I slugged his shoulder, half playfully, half serious.

“I can’t believe you’d let me think you were asleep!”

“Well you seemed to know what you were doing, so who am I to stop you?” He asked with a smirk and I hit him again.

“Idiot!”

“I’m sorry.” Axel once again slipped his hands around my waist. “How about we spend today at my place and we can do that stuff sober and awake?”

I felt conflicted. I’ve never done that stuff before, excluding that one night that I thought Axel was asleep, but still. We aren’t dating, so would that make me a slut?

“I, I mean, I’d like to and all, but,”

“What’s stopping you?” Axel asked, his tone serious.

“I don’t want to just do dirty things like that so easily.” I admitted, my face flushed at the idea.

“Rox, you admitted that you’ve liked me for years. And to be honest, when I figured out it was you, I got excited.”

“You did?” I asked, hope returning to my life.

“Yeah. Why else would I keep calling you cute, attractive, and amazing? I wanted you to know that I liked you so that maybe you’d tell me. And the only reason why I was being a dick about you telling me who you are was because I already knew this would happen.” Axel smiled.

“This?” I asked, not sure what he meant by that.

“Oh yea I forgot.” Axel dug into this pocket and pulled out a case, ones used for jewelry. “Rox? Be my valentine, and my boyfriend?” He opened it and held out a necklace.

I put a hand over my mouth and used my other hand to grab it.

It was silver and had a charm on it in the shape of a flame that was red and silver.

“What do you say?” He asked as I put it on.

“I love it.” I looked down at my new necklace.

“Well I’m glad, but I meant about my question.” Axel smiled nervously and I put my arms around his neck.

“I’d love to Axe.” My new boyfriend kissed my lips gently before he sighed.

“We should probably get back to class.”

“Yeah,” I looked down, not happy about having to end a wonderful moment, but knowing that I now had Axel as my own made everything seem brighter.

“Hey, it’ll all be okay, I promise. After school we can go to my place if you want. Or we can hang out at the mall; whatever you prefer.”

“Thanks Axe, spending the day with you sounds so amazing I don’t really care what we do or where we go.”

“Except for back to class?” Axel asked as we left the bathroom.

“Yeah,” I groaned. I went back first while Axel hung out in the hall for an extra minute so that we weren’t walking back in at the exact same time.

The rest of class went by so painfully slow, but all I could think about was how happy I was to have Axel as my boyfriend. Man I could never thank Sora enough for the amazing advice that he gave to me that one day. Staring out the window I always daydream out of, I caught Axel’s reflection. He smiled at me, so I smiled back.

When that class ended, the idea of sitting through more before we could begin our day together was torture. In between periods, Axel came up to me with a very blunt idea.

“So I’m thinking we should just ditch the rest of class. It’s nearly over.”

“And do what?” I had never played hooky before.

“Well, we can go to my house, watch a scary movie, just us. We could cuddle and snuggle.” Axel kissed my neck and I could feel the heat rising in my body.

“Yes!” I took his hand in my determination to fix my hormones.

“Shit!” Axel turned a corner before me but pulled us each back to avoid entering the hallway.

“What is it?” I asked, but he shushed me.

“There are like thirty girls standing by your locker.” He whispered and I gulped.

“It is valentines day.”

“I seriously don’t know why you picked me when you could have all of them.” Axel shook his head with a small smile.

“You’re the only one I’ve ever written those songs for.” I blushed.

“You’re just too cute Rox. Come on, let’s get out of here.”

“That’s the closest way to your car.” I said and Axel looked like he was in thought. I peeked over the edge, accidentally getting seen.

“THERE HE IS!” Some girl shouted and they all ran towards us.

“Ok, you ready?” Axel asked me, as if we were about to play some big sports game or something.

“For what?” I asked but Axel ignored me as he picked me up and threw me over his shoulder. Then, he turned the corner, and sprinted.

“AHHHH!!!!” I screamed as I was hanging off of his shoulder upside down, watching girls chase after us.

“The redhead is stealing him. GET HIM!” Some girl yelled and Axel put a hand on my ass to stabilize me as he ran faster.

“Get me outa here!” I yelled and Axel sprinted all the way to his car. He set me down by the pass door, fumbled with his keys under pressure, unlocked the door, helped me in, ran inside on the drivers side, and locked the doors again before speeding off.

We each caught our breathes as Axel drove us to his house.

“Music?” He asked halfway through the drive.

“Sure.” I said, still a bit out of it.

Axel pressed some buttons on his stereo and the next thing I knew, we were listening to my bands CD.

“Because you live, Rox, my world, has twice as many stars in the sky.” Axel sang and I turned a bright red.

“Never would I ever have guessed that you’d be singing this to me.”

“You should sing it to me. Please?” Axel asked as he turned it up and every once in a while glanced over at me to make sure that I really was singing along. I sang the rest of the song even as he parked outside his house.

“Thanks.” I said after he opened my door.

“Thank you. That was beautiful.” Axel took my hand and led me inside. We went up some stairs and he shut the door behind us.

“Don’t worry, no one’s going to be home for the rest of the weekend, I just like closing it out of habit.” Axel said as he let go of my hand to turn on his TV. “Movie?”

“NO scary ones.” I said and he laughed.

“If I put on a non-scary movie, will you act scared so I can hold you?”

I blinked. Seriously? He’s so perfect. “Ok.” I blushed and he smiled.

“Alright, it’s an action, but no suspense.” Axel said after he started the movie. We sat on his bed as I rested in his lap.

“I’m tired.” I said after the movie ended.

“You want to go to bed?” Axel asked.

“It’s still early though.” I’ve always been stubborn.

“Then take a nap.”

“What are you going to do?” I asked, not wanting to leave him to be bored.

“Silly. If you nap, then I’m going to be right here holding you.” Axel laid us both down and circled his arms around my hips. “Go to bed.”

“Ok.” I smiled through closed eyes. “Night Axe.”

“Night Roxy.”

I fell asleep, perfectly comfortable and calm in his arms. When I woke up, he too was asleep. I kissed his cheek, just because I couldn’t help it, but when he woke up, I felt guilty.

“Sorry.” I apologized and he smiled.

“I didn’t know I fell asleep. You’re just so cute when you’re napping, I had to join you.” Axel stretched and I cuddled up to him.

“Axel?” I wanted to tell him I loved him, but we just got together. Would it be too soon?

“Yea?”

“Nevermind.” I shied away.

“Tell me.” Axel sat up on his side and I did too.

“I….I love you.” I said and he blushed.

“And that is why I love you. You’re so cute.” Axel put his hand in my hair and ruffled it. “So sexy too.”

Then it was my turn to blush.

“No I’m not.”

“Uh, hell yea you are. Look at you. We’ve been dating for almost a day and I’m surprised we haven’t done it yet. You’re just so tempting.” Axel smirked and I playfully punched his arm.

“You’re the tall one with muscles.”

“Yeah, but you’re the cute one with the adorable face.”

“Thanks Axe.” I smiled and he kissed me sweetly on the lips.

“Thank you, for being so brave and for telling me who you are.”

“I guess it must have been really frustrating to just wait for me to spit it out, huh?” I asked.

“I knew it’d be worth it.” Axel grinned and I had to look away.

“You really like me?” I just couldn’t believe it. I’ve dreamt of it so much, that to accept it sounded impossible.

“No. I love you Roxas.”


	6. Just Go

After our movie and nap, Axel drove me home. I was bummed that I got home before Sora did, but I’m glad I got some peace and quiet to myself before he did.

“Roxas? Oh my god you wont believe how romantic Riku is. I swear he’s the one.” Sora smiled, his arms full of heart shaped boxes of chocolate, flowers, and that giant teddy bear that Riku gave him in class.

“You had a good valentines day too?”

“The best ever! Wait, what did you do?” Sora asked suspiciously as he dumped his gifts on his bed.

“Oh, you know, got a boyfriend.” I shrugged lying down with closed eyes.

“You too?!” Sora asked and I sat up.

“Riku asked you to date him?”

“Yep!” Sora smiled proudly with his hands on his hips.

“Wow. We really are twins.” I laughed and Sora giggled.

“I’m so tired. Riku spoils me.” My twin yawned. “What did you and Axel do?”

“We watched a movie and cuddled, and that was it. But at the same time, it was so much more.” I smiled at the memory and Sora got ready for bed.

“Riku took me out to eat and then we went to play miniature golf and then we went bowling and then we saw a movie at the drive in, and then he took me home.”

“Sounds like my day yesterday. A little while ago Axel asked me what my version of my perfect date is and yesterday, we did it all. I didn’t even realize it either.”

“Aww! That’s so sweet!”

“Yeah, he is. Night Sora.” I rolled over, ready to dream of my Axel.

“Night Rox.”

~

I woke up the next day to my phone buzzing with a text.

“Good morning beautiful. I love you.” Axel’s text made me smile.

“Good morning Axe. I love you more.” I texted and showered real quick, returning to my phone to see a text from him that read:

“Not possible.”

I smiled. I could get used to this. I was about to text back when Axel called me, so I answered.

“Hello?”

“Hey Roxy. Are you busy this weekend?”

“Um, no, why?”

“Good, don’t make plans. I’ll tell you more later. Bye!”

“Wait, Axe!” he hung up and I shook my head. I hated surprises cause I’m so impatient.

I decided to just go to his house and talk to him, because I missed him and I’m way too curious for my own good.

“Where are you going?” Sora asked me as I headed for the front door.

“Axel’s. I’ll be back later.” I waved goodbye.

I was walking up to Axel’s house and I saw some other car in his driveway next to his. I knocked, thinking nothing of the car sitting next to his, and when no one answered, I just invited myself in. Ok, I know its rude to just walk in, but he’s my boyfriend. Anyway, I walked quietly up the stairs, hoping to surprise him since he’s trying to surprise me, but when I heard a girl laughing, I froze. It came from inside his barely open door.

“Axel, you are just too romantic.” She said and I gulped. No. it couldn’t be. What was going on? I waited to hear more.

“It’s just movie, dinner, and a hotel.” Axel said, trying to sound smooth and I got that weird pain in my lower stomach like something was not right.

“Don’t forget to be there at two. I’ll be there extra early.” She said and already I was pissed. A hotel? What the fuck was going on?! I wanted to burst into the room, but I had to be sure that I was hearing things right.

“I’ll be there early enough. Don’t worry, we’ll do everything that we talked about. I’ll make sure that we have extra time.” Axel sounded so happy. Maybe all along he really does want a girl?

“And are you sure that he doesn’t know?” She asked teasingly and I could feel my eyes water.

“Roxas? He doesn’t have a single clue. And he won’t. I’m pretty good at keeping secrets.” Axel bragged as I closed my eyes and mouth. It was so hard to hold tears in.

“Are you sure? I can’t tell you how many guys call me for these kinds of favors and they always get caught.” What was this chick? A whore? Some dirty prostitute?

“Relax. Roxas won’t ever hear about me meeting you at the hotel. He doesn’t even know that I know you.” Axel chuckled and I put a hand over my mouth, tears leaking slowly.

“You sure he won’t put it together?” She asked and Axel laughed.

“He didn’t even know that I knew he was my secret admirer. No, he won’t figure it out. Don’t worry, alright? We’re safe to meet.”

“Ok, if you say so.” She sounded more positive and I gulped.

“Thank you, for doing this for me.” Axel said calmly and it sickened me.

“No problem. I can tell that you need it. I’m always here to help a fellow in need.” She giggled again and I started to get angry, panting in frustration.

“I do. I really do need it.” Axel said and I threw open his door.

"It's two hundred munny, and I can give you about an hour or two." She said as I grew sick at the idea of what was happening. 

"Well worth it." Axel sounded so happy I couldn't hide any longer.

“Is that really how you feel?” I asked and Axel stared at me in utter shock.

“Roxas?!”

“That’s what you think of me?” I asked, in tears, my face a mess and that girl, who I recognized as Xion from school, stared at me in bewilderment. So that’s what it was. He wanted his ex for sex, and me for …well I have no idea what for, but clearly not for love.

“Roxas, what are you doing here?” Axel asked and I flipped him off.

“Fuck you if you think I owe you an explanation.”

“Roxas, calm down.” Axel raised and lowered his hands but I shook my head.

“We’re through. I can’t believe I let you steal those lyrics from my heart.” I put a hand over my chest and sobbed.

“Roxas, it’s not what you think!” Axel shouted but I put my hands to my head.

“Were you or were you not asking this girl to meet you at a hotel?”

“Yes, but,”

“Fuck you.” I said, turned around, and ran.

“Roxas!” Axel took after me and I sped up, but he’s so much taller and he caught up to me. He grabbed my arm and tugged on it.

“Let me go!” I shouted, and he did, and I fell on my ass. And then, like a little three year old kid, I started wailing and sobbing into my hands.

“Rox, please.” Axel bent down to me, but I didn’t want to hear his excuses and lies. I took off and ran all the way back home, up the stairs, into my room, and crashed on my bed.

“Roxas?” Sora walked into our room, sounding concerned.

“Go away!” I shouted.

“Roxas, what’s wrong?” Sora asked but I buried my face in my bed. My phone went off but I threw it against a wall. It had to be Axel, who else? “Roxas!” Sora picked up my no doubt shattered phone.

“He’s cheating on me Sora!” I bawled and Sora was stricken back.

“He was? That doesn’t sound like Axel.”

“I caught him.” I sniffled.

“Maybe that wasn’t the whole picture.” Sora shrugged, no doubt trying to stay true to his optimistic side.

“I don’t care!” I shouted, taking my frustration out on Sora when the doorbell rang. “Don’t get it!” I sat up on my arms. I knew it would be Axel.

“Coming!” Sora shouted as he ran down the stairs. I returned my face to my pillow.

“Rox, please, let me explain.” Axel was in my room, but I ignored him as I kept my face in my pillow.

“Rox, you ok?” Sora asked; I kept still.

“Roxy, baby,” Axel sat on my bed, but all I could do was scream into my pillow, hoping to scare him away.

“Roxas.” Sora sounded like he was going to cry next; he always hated seeing me in any kind of pain.

“Go away!” I shouted, just wanting to be alone.

“Not until you hear the truth,” Axel rubbed my back, but I turned on my side to get his hand off of me.

“Fuck off!” I yelled before I hid back in my pillow.

“Call me when he calms down.” Axel said to Sora as he stood up.

“I will,” Sora whispered as Axel left.

“Roxy?” Sora sat timidly on my bed. “Please stop crying,” Sora begged, his voice so soft and timid, and I knew that my fit must have scared him. I always try to keep calm for Sora’s sake, but losing Axel like this was just too much.

“I loved him. I love him Sora. All those songs I wrote, just for him? Why did he have to do that to me?” I sniffled, crying into my pillow.

“Roxy I believe him. He’s your boyfriend. You should too.” Sora was calm, too calm.

“I just want to go to bed,” I sobbed with a whine.

“Ok Roxy. Take a nap. I love you.” Sora hugged my back as I laid, face buried in my pillow. He left our room as I curled up in bed for the next few hours.

I was dreaming of Axel meeting that girl, meeting Xion at some love hotel while I watched them make love. In my dream, Axel pointed and laughed at me while Xion mocked me, as if I really were just some joke to them. I woke up crying, my head aching from the tears and my heart so heavy. When I rolled over to face the room and not the wall, I sat up quickly.

“Go away!” I screamed at Axel, who was sitting criss crossed on the floor.

“No.” he whispered. He looked tired. How long had he been sitting there? Was he seriously just watching me as I slept?

“Please stop!” I started to cry all over again. “Stop hurting me!” I sobbed.

“Roxas,” Axel’s voice was so controlled, but it was pained.

“What do you want from me?!” I screamed at him before Sora came into our room. My twin sat by my side and rubbed my shoulder as I hid my tear stained face in my hands.

“I want you to give me a chance to tell you the truth.” Axel said calmly.

“Of how you’re cheating on me?” I sniffled loudly.

“I would never do such a thing.” Axel said quietly as I shook my head.

“You’re a fucking liar and I don’t believe your bullshit!” I grumbled angrily.

“Roxas,” Axel frowned as his eyes watered.

“Bull! Shit!” I screamed at him before I went silent to the sound of Sora’s soft cries. I turned to see my twin sniffling loudly.

“He,” Sora blinked rapidly to clear his eyes. “He loves you Roxas.” Sora bit his quivering lip. “He loves you so please stop yelling at him.” Sora turned to face me as I gulped quietly. What did he mean? And how did he know whether or not Axel cared about me?

“What makes you say that?”

“That girl, he isn’t seeing her.” Sora told me as I tried to grasp the concept.

“What?”

“Xion is my ex, but that’s all she is to me.” Axel said from his spot on the ground in front of my bed.

“But you were going to meet her at a love hotel, and you said you were going to pay her two hundred munny! For sex!” Ok so he never said it would be for sex but why else would you pay a girl to meet at a hotel?

“Not for sex.” Axel shook his head.

“Then for what?” I asked angrily.

“Well for one thing, I never said love hotel.” Axel clarified as I shrugged.

“Doesn’t mean you aren’t hooking up with some whore.”

Axel looked at me with wide eyes before he shook his head twice as dramatically as he had just done. “I don’t believe this. One day together, and I’m already being accused of cheating on you by paying some girl you’re accusing of being a prostitute?” He looked insulted, which made me feel guilty and upset.

“How else am I supposed to see it?” I tried to look innocent as I looked bothered.

“Well if you listened to your own damn boyfriend maybe you’d know the truth so you could see it for what it is!” Axel raised his voice.

“And what is that, huh? What good reason do you have to meet some girl at a hotel to pay her? HUH?!” I demanded an answer.

“I reserved the presidential suit at the Radiant Garden Resort. Xion’s been working there for a few years so she got me a discount, which means I have to pay her personally so she doesn’t get in trouble. Also, she agreed to help me decorate the room.”

“De-decorate?” I gulped nervously.

“That’s why I called you earlier, asking if you were free?” Axel asked slowly to see if I remembered. “I wanted to surprise you to dinner and then take you to the hotel where we could just relax and enjoy some time alone together. I asked Xion if she could go to work early to help me decorate the bed and bathroom with rose petals and personalized snacks that I bought for us to enjoy.” Axel shrugged as I gulped. Shit. If, if he was telling the truth….oh god. Not only do I look like a crazed emotional bitch, but I also broke my phone, my trust with my boyfriend, everything.

“How, how do I know this isn’t just a cover up?” I tried to look like a victim as best I could.

“He called me before he called you.” Sora spoke up from my side.

“What?” I asked, confused.

“Axel called me right before he called you asking if it was ok with me to take you to a hotel. I gave him my twinship permission, because I know he loves you Roxy.” Sora said, making it obvious, clear as day, that Axel was telling the truth.

“Oh, oh Axel!” I put my hands to my lips as I started to cry, happy tears. “I’m so happy!” I jumped up and off my bed. “I’m so excited to go spend time at such a fancy hotel with you! You spoil me!” I threw my arms around him, but I didn’t feel his arms in return. I waited a few seconds before I swallowed uneasily. “A-Axel?”

He shook his head. “Forget it. I’m not going.” He looked me dead in the eye as I started to panic.

“Wha-why not?”  I could feel my lower lip shaking in disappointment.

“You don’t trust me. You accused me of cheating on you, and then you cussed me out, refused to even listen to me as I tried to explain the truth, and then you accused me of being some sex crazed man whore who hires prostitutes,” Axel shook his head, “We’re through.” He said as I started to pant.

“A-Ah-Axel,” I whimpered before I started to cry. He stood up, pushing my body away from his.

“As I remember from one of your songs,” Axel tapped his chin. “Just go. It’s over.” He said before he aimed for the door.

“Please, give me one more chance!” I begged, but he didn’t even turn to look at me. I rushed my gaze over to Sora, who remained on my bed, frowning.

“I tried to tell you Roxy.” He said quietly once we heard Axel’s car driving away.

“You should have told me everything!” I yelled at him.

“It wasn’t my place!” Sora stood up and yelled, something he rarely ever does, which means he was angry enough to mean it.

“I, I don’t want to lose him.” I sobbed. Why? Why does my life have to be so shitty? I get the guy of my dreams, and then I lose him so easily. It wasn’t fair.

“Roxas, you won him once. Show him how sorry you are. He will take you back.” Sora said.

“How? How do you know?”

“Because he loves you. He never wanted to let you go to begin with. But he’s hurt. Let him heal, and offer to help. Show him that you trust him and that you just want him happy.”

“I miss him so much already.” I sniffled.

“I know he misses you too. If he didn’t care, he would have texted you. He came here and waited patiently while you slept, because he loves you Roxy. He told me he loves you, just before you woke up.”

“He, he did?” I asked, acting like I had never heard such words from Axel’s lips.

“Yeah. He cried too.” Sora frowned. “He was really hurt that you didn’t trust him. He said he was so excited to spoil you and make you happy, but that you made it clear you don’t want him.”

“I, I take it back.” I pounded my fist against my forehead.

“The hotel reservation is for the weekend, five days from now.” Sora said thoughtfully. “So you have about four days to try to convince him to go.”

“Right.” I nodded as I sniffled, ending my tears. “I have to.” I said to Sora, wanting to prove I was serious about this.

Sora nodded before he started looking at his bookshelf, as if he were searching for something super specific.

“What are you doing?” I couldn’t help but ask.

“Looking for…THIS!” Sora said proudly.

“What is it?” I couldn’t see what he had in front of his body.

“This should help.” He nodded to himself before he turned. “Let’s watch it.” He smiled as he held up a cover to an anime with two men on the cover.

I gave a small smile of hope as I nodded.

**Author's Note:**

> I started this story about 5 years ago and never got around to actually doing anything with it, so I decided just this morning to try to get enough together to post in time for this years valentines day. With Jesse McCartney as the voice of Roxas, it only makes sense that these songs would be written for Axel.  
> Living Legacy, Silent Sacrifice,  
> Sarabellum


End file.
